Sunday, December 27, 2009

Aashura: Here and There

Here we made some shole zard. I wore black. A wore navy. We rode to the mosque. It was Zohr prayer time when we got there. A snitched a couple mohrs for me from the men's side as there were none left in the women's side. We prayed. All of us Pakistanis and Afghans and Arabs and Iranians and Americans. Then we sent our regards and peace to Imam Hossein and his companions. We prayed for his mercy on us. We had Aash and listened to a few speeches. We did not meet any of our friends there. We left the mosque to the park. A played there while I laid on a bench watching the seagulls and ever changing clouds. Then we played together in the sand box and finally left for home getting ready for our guests. We prepared meals and tidied the living room. We had dear companies for dinner; NA and MZ. We had a good time eating and talking.
M started browsing the net. I joined him to watch photos and videos from there. It was Aashura there too. People were supposedly making shole zard and inviting each other to drinks and meals. People were doing all that I know. And people were protesting too. People were praying but also shouting and screaming, being beaten and beating. People were killed too.
Here we are feeling desperate and guilty for feeling safe.

Friday, December 25, 2009

December 25th

So it is Christmas day, 20o9. Two thousands and nine years ago Jesus Christ was born to St Mary. It sounds really majestic and holy.
Merry Christmas to Every One!

This is the second day of the holidays in our house. Every day we wake up with nothing urgent to be done. A seems really content and we all cherish these days. We are meeting with relatives and friends. This morning I am trying to make a traditional Jello Salad. Just wrapped A's present and the other ones we had bought for our relatives' kids.

During the past few days we received and gave cards and gifts which was sweet and heartwarming. There was one gift that I later realized was really a "giving tin". We were supposed to enjoy the content of the tin, then fill it up with new gifts and give it away. I really liked the idea which was from my CTL. I filled it already and am ready to give it away today. I hope to find a total stranger for this task!

And as always I am reading books, a few at the time. One is my Holy Book with a translation Sheikh Kabir approves of, one is on the subject of management, the other is a story book by my beloved Alice Munro, and the smart book of "Good to Great" SS once recommended. One of them that I read a chapter of every day is called "The Fragrance of Faith" by Jamal Rahman. Such a beautiful soul and name! Each chapter of his book is only a few pages and at the end of some of the chapters there is a section called "reflection" which is usually a few sentences. I was reading a chapter named "Amal" this morning. In the reflection it reads "Practice sending light from your heart to the heart of every human soul you meet ... . This awakens and expands the Light in you". He writes as if we already know how to send light from our heart, as if we know the Light, as if we readily have access to our hearts. I honor his faith in us!

Saturday, December 19, 2009

meat grinder

I met MM last week over lunch. He wanted to explain a financial matter for which he used the example of the meat grinder. How at first it seems the output does not seem to match the input and the quality does not feel right. But suddenly it starts flowing good quality ground meat.
I was thinking later it is so true about most adversities in life. At first you feel you are just putting effort, spending your thoughts, providing your emotions, and you do not get the smooth result you are after. But by God there is relieve after adversity.

Monday, December 14, 2009


So, not going away means we are going to celebrate the holidays at home and with friends. We are so excited to have company. Especially for the Xmas day and eve. I am thinking about all the possibilities and planning and enjoying my thoughts.

Here is what Gene, my management course prof, wrote us today in an e-mail:
"You win some, you loose some".
Well, nothing new. But in the position I am in time and place it was such a calming phrase.

I was chatting with my mom, the wisest woman I know. Talking about my new challenges at work working with a particular colleague her recommendation was "not to predict his response". So simple, right? "Zero expectation".

Sunday, December 13, 2009


I am officially one year older now.
So the big day has come and gone and here I am, experiencing a new one.
It is interesting how the holidays are also approaching but I do not necessarily feel like slowing down. There are a lot to be done at home and work and this year the holidays seem to just add to the stress involved. May be that is because we are not planning to go away any where. But I am hopeful still.
A has been very fascinated with Xmas trees. I am thinking about getting him one next year.


It was the first time A declared what he wanted to be when he grew up: A teacher.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


It is this time of the year again for me. I have been experiencing it for decades now. And there has rarely gone a single year since I started logging in my diaries that I have not written some thing in contemplation of the year that is coming to an end and the expectations I have for my new year. I need to spend an hour with me tomorrow... Just finished an essay that was lingering above my head for a few days to make tomorrow night a free night. This time was spent to the expense of my gym hour, I have only 25 minutes left. I am heading there now...

PS: the essay is related to the first course of the management certificate program I recently started at UC Berkeley Extension. It is a totally new experience and I am really enjoying it. I am paying a big tole of my free time for it too.