Monday, May 31, 2010

A perfect family

I wonder, what makes a perfect family? Pick your choices:

A couple
A man and a woman
A son
A daughter
A son and a daughter
Two sons
Two daughters
Three or more kids (any combination of sons and daughters)
An apartment
A house
A wealthy father
A working mother
A non-working mother
Home made dinner every night
Family dinners
Smiling members
"Thanks you" and "Please" keywords
A couple family members fluent with musical instrument
A family spiritual ritual
Guests over every weekend
Outings every weekend
Active family with lots of planned outdoors and regular sporting activities
All homework done in the first hour after school
Family vacations twice a year
Friends and family reunion every other year

May be add a few other lines, pick other choices. Done?

Now, I think, socially speaking, most combination of the above choices make a perfect family. Parents, kids, shelter, sport, music, spirituality. Any body cares about love?

Socially speaking, I don't think so. I find that the society is a very narrow minded and cruel judge when looking at itself. To the society there are only two categories and it judges every thing in either of the two: good or bad. A good society is consisted of good families in which there are kids who are educated and who are attended to by participating in different activities and socially grown by visiting families and friends. At this point the society closes its eyes, doesn't want to know any more. Good is good. Any thing that is not good is bad. There are no shades of good or shades of bad.

Now, what is love really?

To me, it is all about look, how you look at each other and what you see when you look.

Society doesn't like to look at its eyes. Society just likes to feel complete and for its completeness there are no eyes required, just smiles.

Friday, May 28, 2010

Songs Yesterday

I was listening to radio, then change the channel, then switched to CD, then changed the CD. Finally gave in; let is sing, let it sing to me.
It was getting dark, the navy blue sky, the lights, the occasional cars driving by, the chill of the dark.
I was driving at the dark of the night in my car listening to music. Such a simple statement seemed very remote 13 years ago. On those days I used to fantasize driving my car in the dark of the night listening to music; such a scene seems like a routine reality of these days. But then there is a reality in fantasy, a fantasy that by definition can never be real: hope!

Those days, the song itself was a fantasy.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

For AZ

I recommended the movie to her; she ordered it and got it and watched it and liked it and thought about it. I look forward to sit down with her and discuss the movie over another cup of coffee in another local cafe somewhere. So like to read her recommended book: "Eat Play Love". SF knew us both very well to try to put us in touch. I owe her a true thank you.

I found this interview on the YouTube which is absolutely not recommended to those who have not watched the movie: "Revolutionary Road". I love these two acter and actress; not only because they are truly handsome and beautiful but because they seem like truly beautiful individuals to me. They are both in the same age range as I am and I see them growing old with me and my generation. I found them really growing to be more mature despite the deceitful fame. Kate Winslet especially catches my attention, how she was this bold girl who has grown to be this confident woman, comfortable with her body and look. Here is the interview:

Four Years

Four years ago at such a night we were all still in the post labor ward. Arman was not even one day old yet. I was drained but happy. M was drained and drained. A was... hungry?

Well, today that tiny baby who didn't know how to feed himself to survive demanded for a dinosaur cake, cut his cake himself, and shared the goody bags among his classmates at preschool. Gosh was I happy!

Friday, May 21, 2010

Last Dinner at Boston

  • Despite all the self criticisms I threw at myself my boss had a great feedback for me today! Made me happy and felt accomplished.
  • We had a less stressful dinner tonight with no customer to entertain and then ice cream in a local place with very interesting flavors.
  • The Charles River was very beautiful at night when we got there. An image imprinted on my mind forever.
  • Heading home tomorrow enshala.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Seasonal Crème brûlée

Disclaimer: this is the logging of a midnight after a long day/night of working like a dog; if you expect reading any thing meaningful and deep please skip this post - only logging

Hot Boston! I anticipated it to be humid too, but it was not.
I have got to start watching football (you know, the American version of it I mean!) and follow NBA and learn a few thing about the sport figures and the rumors in that area!!
It was the longest day of my 4-day career in this new role with a 7:30am meeting with my boss and my boss's boss and customers and conference sessions and competitors' trials and more customer meeting and conference calls and responding to e-mails and work and meeting a bunch of new people and thinking about an important conversation with a dear friend the night before and responding to texts and meeting with more customers and calling home and taking notes and thinking about what to get A to get to know where Boston is and fighting the residuals of a cold and after all this a dinner meeting with more customers and I feel I really blew it out not knowing any thing about any of the subjects the whole table was talking about! (except may be some of the talks about our products)
But Boston, people are definitely more trendy here, I like it actually and prefer it to the T-Shirt and jeans fashion in California; reminds me of Toronto actually. People (taxi drivers?) honk here which jumped me out of my skin all the time; There are red break houses around but for such an old city I anticipated more churches; And it took us 15 minutes to hale a taxi around 10:15PM in downtown. Oh I so appreciated the open windows of the taxi riding back to the hotel: the wind and the smell of the night.
It is past midnight here, again, and I seriously need to get some sleep.
By the way, the Seasonal Crème brûlée at Oceanaire Seafood place was great but had nothing to do with the May season as far as I could tell.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Boston Midnite

She pulled the zipper of her jacket all the way up to her neck; it was a chilly night after two full days of gray skies and rains. She could see the stars now, it was clearing up. She inhaled the cold humid midnight air, feeling a delayed but desired rush of blood to her brain. She was thinking about every thing: the dish she had had earlier, the book she had recently read, the movie her friend had just told her she had gotten, the posting she had started to write, the heart she felt racing lately, the prayers she had said earlier, the universe that had arranged this all, ... She was thinking about every thing, but nothing, to escape the one thought: what had she got to do?
She buried her fingers deeper into her jeans, raising her head again to look at the sky, feeling the cold of her tear on her right cheek, one eye shedding, one drop.
What was happening? How were things changing? How things were going to get fixed? Was there any thing to get fixed? What if? What if not?
She found herself at the gate, no one was around. She got herself a locker, changed, and dived into the pool.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Last Week at BSC R&D - For Now

This is the last few days I am spending in the R&D department here. I am an engineer and I am good at what I am doing yet I am trading it with a role I hardly have any experience with and still aim to excel. I have left my comfort zones several times before and I find this another similar experience. It is still a very strange moment in my life; exciting, scary, unknown, aspiring.
The positive point is that I am still going to be in the same division and hence in contact with most of the people that matter to me. I am glad I am leaving my department in good terms and with great relationships with my managers.
And then on the Marketing side I have a unique manager I cannot wait to work for. He struck me the first time I met him in a neurovascular forum as a very confident and marketing savvy person; he was tall and confidently loud and came across as a very knowledgeable and fearless professional. What is amazing about him is that despite his very high rank in his department he is very approachable and despite being such an achieved professional he is really humble. I feel blessed.
For now I have to finish a couple engineering deliverable and then start packing. I think tavakkol be khodaa I am ready to head for the new chapter in my career life.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Rainy Mother's Day

The low clouds of last night have brought us the refreshing gift of morning showers. They say the rain is God's gift to the whole being whether the receiving creature is worthy or not. Therefore, they say, your prayers will come true when it rains.
It is a beautiful Sunday morning with the clouds and the rain and my little A who is growing sweeter and sweeter every day. We danced to the tunes of children music this morning. He dances so clumsily but so amusingly to me, cheerful indeed.
I talked to my mother in law yesterday and my mom today to wish them a happy non-Iranian mother's day. They both laughed to hear the remark like they do every year. Unexpected appreciation I think makes them happy.
Motherhood seems like a unique journey indeed, a journey to unknown. The scenery is constantly changing in this trip, the destination is desired, imagined, fancied, but unknown; unexpected hardships at any corner but unexpected rewards at every turn too.
Happy Mother's Day! To my friends who have become mothers and those who are becoming mothers this year. Enjoy your journey!

Saturday, May 1, 2010


Never thought I would surrender to life but I am surrendering!

Never thought I would not like to leave the room as I dreaded the reality of what was awaiting me behind the door.

Never thought a sweet remark could be so heart crushingly sad, a heart crushingly sad word could be so unimportant, an unimportant note could be so heart filling, a heart filling smile could be so ignored, an ignored touch could be so wanted, a wanted praise could be so denied, a denied cry could be so old, an old smell could be so pleasant, a pleasant look could be so hard.