I can just dream what this can mean to the people of Iran and the world, these fresh, powerful, sincere talks of invitation for negotiation. Perhaps the blue sky will be seen again in the cities of that land. Perhaps medicine and medical devices will be provided to the sick grandmas (my maamaan joon included) and dying children. Perhaps the embargo will be released and airlines will resume the denied services to the people of the world again. Perhaps the notion of Tehran will be "magnificent" again.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
This is amazing, the political events of these past few days in the world. It is amazing, like a dream come true, that the Iranian president and foreign minister talk in the international media and I don't feel like I wish they never did. In fact for the first time in my life as a person who took her first breath during the curfew just before the Islamic Revolution of Iran, I look at the recently elected president and listen to his policies and feel unashamed, even feel proud. For the first time since I have developed some sense of politics and world policy I find the elected president actually representing the people of Iran.
I have been dwelling on the subject of how to deal with annoying people. Imagine having an annoying person in your life. Imagine her sticking her nose in everyone’s' business especially where it is not her business. She is demanding and bossy all the time even where she is not the boss. She provides unsolicited advice; worse, she criticizes people at her leisure and especially in public. Her comments and publicized judgments not only cause annoyance, they cause hurt and provide damage sometimes.
I hope you have a quite horrid image of her in your head by now.
Now I just reaized that the secret in managing an annoying person is: not to consider her annoying.
Simple? Not really. Because, in my opinion, it is embedded in one's philosophy to find another person annoying. But then for the same reason it is possible to not feel annoyed by another person's action: One should change her philosophy about annoyance. And to do so, is only a moment's decision.
I have found peace and comfort since I have decided to consider these kind of people non-annoying.
Her unsolicited advice is only due to her lack of interpersonal skills and tact. So is her seemingly bossiness, and critical manners. She might actually have no idea how to communicate. She might not even know that she has this problem. That makes a lost soul, I am afraid. We have a proverb in Farsi that if I do my best to translate it, it says: "One who doesn't know that he doesn't know, is destined to remain in his ignorance forever".
I hope that now you have a quite benign image of her in your head. Just remember; she is benign.
I wanted to write a couple of recent events in the journal I keep for my A. I started writing for him in this journal before he was born. Then continued with the most prominent events in his life, first real smile, first tooth, first word, first step, and do on; but also how I observed him as a baby and a kid: what he seemed to like, how he seemed to react. Mostly though I write about my feelings for him. I am planning to give it to him at some point in the future. May be when he has his own child enshala, if I'm still alive.
I opened the notebook tonight but instead of writing I started reading. Soon I found it so vividly clear in my heart how I felt toward him back then. I missed his babyhood so dearly suddenly. He is grown and independent now. It was a very perplex feeling, a new experience even, reading the notebook.
I want him a baby again. I want him to grow up too. And I want him to live a long life.
God be with you my sunny son!
I hope to cherish every moment of these days that you are still with us, chatting away about your silly dreams and wanting to be read to at bed time.
I think letting go is one of the hardest part of motherhood.
Friday, September 27, 2013
Living in California with fantastic weather all year round and it is hard to find a path that would give me an hour worth of walk from home.
I had a long day with a sick nanny who cancelled on me yesterday and a bunch of meetings. Working from home with a not-so-well baby I managed all the meetings and conference calls and spontaneous calls pretty well actually. It was a successful day job-wise. However, I needed a break from it all. So when M came home late in the afternoon I tool the chance to flee the house. Destination? Wherever that would give me one hour worth of walk. The furthest I could go before hitting the highway (well, that's what's good about where we live: strategic access to two main highways) was Starbucks but it only gave me 20 minutes of walk. Still I know if any of the neighbors decided to go there they would ride their cars. This is America.
Anyways, I ordered a 250 cal Chocolate Chai Latte and I regret it the moment I finished calling the name. Yet didn't withdraw. I wish i had. Sipping from it I was sure it didn't worth it.
I must say it is a boring Starbucks. At a glance, not that I am much in the mood to chat, no body interesting is sitting around. I'm going to just read my book a bit before taking the 20 minutes walk back.
I'm reading this book "The Art of Influence" by Chris Widener. So far so good. Like it. Both the narration and the tiny story behind and the "Golden Rules of Influence" suggested. It's a tiny book I have been reading for almost 1.5 weeks given my very limited time to study lately.
So far I have read and implemented two of the golden rules:
1) living an undivided life of integrity
2) always demonstrate a positive attitude
The latter is a piece of cake for the Sagittarius that I am. That's what we are: positive. At least for bigger part of life.
Wondering if I could find a one hour path around the house that's enjoyable.
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Saturday, September 21, 2013
It burns but just the soul.
It has always been yet, except only for one or two people, no one cared to understand it. After all, it was burning, and it will burn. There apeared the risk. It was intimidating. Hence, keeping the distance, ignoring it, putting it off.
As life happened it covered and faded its presence but never chilled. It was just not to be revealed. It silently exists.
Friday, September 20, 2013
She was sitting on a chair by the curbside after taking a long walk. She had her notebook open; a cup of tea that was almost chilled and a pen in her hand. No word written.
The memories were faintly circulating in her head. She remembered how hard it was back in the time to think of those cheerful events and bright feelings as memories. She thought all would remain in her head as bright as the sunlight. But then the dust of time sat on her mind and she couldn't remember how she was feeling, thinking, comprehending.
All she had now was a notebook full of white papers and a head full of fainting memories.
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Friday, September 13, 2013
This was the last week of my maternity leave. I am going to resume work after just 13.5 weeks outside the job on Monday, enshala. My little angel will be only 12 weeks young when I resume work.
It was a tough week:
First my mom left forcing me to adjust to managing my new life by myself, and then I heard that my supportive boss was resigning. It feels like a complex time for him to leave, exactly when I am coming back to work after several weeks. My nanny started working this week which added the stress of managing and training her. It was really rough and frankly overwhelming at times.
But then, a God-sent gift: my cousin arrived from New York.
She is a lovely and smart person. She is a few years younger than me and has been in the US practically her whole life. I take pride in her, watching her grow from afar and becoming this successful independent young lady with a very kind soul.
I'm thankful for her visit, being here exactly when I needed her moral support. She listened to me and my dreams and my worries genuinely and then lift my spirit by all her kind words counting my strengths and boosting my confidence. God bless you my dear cousin!
Now I am trying to resume my trust, in the universe and its intents. Stepping into the new unknown. Excited and I know I can do it, enshala. And I surely miss my 12 months of maternity leave in Canada.
Friday, September 6, 2013
It's getting milder and still feels warm and inviting for a stroll in the big park. The lake is still housing the geese. Or may be they are permanently settled. There is a Japanese garden with manicured plants and ponds filled with red fish. They say they bring luck and prosperity I think. I would pack a little snack but I prefer to just sit down in the tea garden and sip some tea with you.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
A: "I want to go to Iran. Not because it is smelly [he means polluted thanks to awfully refined gas"; not because people talk a different language [i.e. his mother tongue!!]; not because it is on the other side of the world; but because my grandparents are there."
"Even if Iran is nothing but a damaged land
Still, I love that damaged land"
Or something like this:
اگر ايران بجز ويران سرا نيست
من آن ويران سرا را دوست دارم
Yesterday my mom had an artichoke heart salad and seemed to really enjoy it. Great! Now every time I have artichoke heart I'm reminded of her too.
I wish she hasn't have to go. And I'm whining like a little girl. But I am her little girl who is a mother of two now.
I just wish ...
Monday, September 2, 2013
The most hurtful fact of immigration.
It literally pains thinking about my mom's departure in a couple days, to leave her at the airport, to come back to a house with an empty guest room.
It all started with the departure.
I left Iran for the first time in the fall of 2000. I packed all the things I really liked and left them in a storage, let my parents drive me to the airport and then left them behind the glass doors to the departure gates. My grandma also came to the airport, sighing every once in a while. She has grown much older now, has suffered a stroke since, and looks more wrinkled.
I have lost many great moments since. Many births, many marriages, some losses.
It is a long time thirteen years. My brothers, then twins and teens, have grown to be young men now. My parents have matured. My sisters have married.
I have missed a lot. And it feels really sad thinking about it. Worse, I am missing more and more everyday.
I don't want my mother to leave. But she doesn't want to miss things. So she is going to go back. I am going to come back to an empty guest room and continue missing, dwelling in the sorrows of the immigrant that I am.