Harvest

Happy harvesting!

Feeling Like A Couple Again After the Kids

M and I got to spend a solid four hours together today. It feels good!

At Monterey today, my dear mom took A to the Monterey Bay Aquarium for a few hours. M and I passed lest with the little angel our time would be spent attending to her. Instead, we walked the Cannery Row for a few times.

We started the walk chatting about a couple hurts, acknowledging them and clearing our minds for only 5 minutes or so.  Then we strolled around; window shopped a bit, tried some sea salt taffies, had a marvelous Cappuccino at the Happy Girl's Kitchen, and bought a couple souvenirs.  After a few hours I realized we had not talked about A, had attended to the baby only a couple times, and mostly had spent our time being together; we were simply a couple again.  It felt as if we hadn't had such time for a long long time and suddenly it felt really refreshing.

Funnily as soon as we united with my dear mom and A all the cajoling and A talking resumed. That made the past few hours as a couple even bolder, more precious.  I feel charged up for a while now. Feels great actually!

The Best in Town

He did it, starting a business I mean, from scratch and with very little monitory investment albeit huge stamina.

I feel proud of my brother.

He was always full of ideas. Many people are perhaps. But his ideas were big yet achievable. As I watched him grow and the years passed, I witnessed how he was getting closer: in the end 1) he knew what he wanted to do and could explain it 2) he seemed to know how to do it 3) he seemed to know he could do it.

Now he started a new business despite all the hurdles. He showed flexibility when hardship surfaced. He showed perseverance when things failed. And he showed leadership by guiding the village to raise his baby business. I am sure it is the best in town.

Now, he is looking at the next business and I know he can do it. So very proud of him!

The Real Taste or the Taste of Real

Suddenly I had both kids kind of sick. The little angel had her two-month-check-up and had to take a slew of vaccines which made her completely drowsy for about 6 hours. Then when I picked up A from school I realized he was not his usual self either. He said he had not eaten nor did he play at lunch, because he missed us he said. But I knew there was something wrong with his well being.

At home I monitored both kids for a few hours regularly and thank God neither developed fever. They just remained drowsy and energy less.

While laying lazily on the couch, A asked for the same soup I had made him last time he was sick. And so I did. Then I decided to bring down the big bulky juicer and make him some "fresh" apple juice. The kind that always reminded me of my childhood when my mom made us fresh juice. The kind with a natural froth that made mustaches for us. I felt delighted to make fresh juice for A actually.

After he took a sip he put the apple juice aside. He claimed that it didn't taste like the ones from store! So he didn't like it!!

Ah! My broken heart.

I said "yes honey. It doesn't taste like the store-bought juice. It's "fresh"!"

How to be a Perfect Mother

"I know she loves me because she kisses me every time she leaves the house". This is what A wrote in the card he made for me at school for the Mother's Day this past May.  Interestingly, despite the nagging feeling of guilt, "leaving the house" wasn't of any guilt-worthy thought in him.  More interestingly, I know I kiss him every time I leave him because of me, not because of him really.

Talking to A today about simple subjects of the day, I realized, despite the imperfect nature I naturally possess, what radiates the perfect love to my kids is being "present" with my loving them. To simply love them for me, in my own way. To really see them, hear them, feel them, and cherish it all in my heart. To really watch A when he tells me that he swam in the 8 feet section of the pool today, to see my little angel when she eagerly suckles the milk, to simply listen to A when he tells me about his day dreams, to eagerly memorize the cooing noise the little princess makes.  To be with them when I am with them.  They feel it!

Moreover, it is the quality of life I live and they witness that is keenly obvious  to them, that they will remember when they think of their childhood later in life. As Alison Tate wrote in Huffington Post blog, "What our children will remember about us is how we lived our lives, how we worked, what we loved, and how we shared that love". http://www.huffingtonpost.com/allison-tate/the-best-of-mothers_b_3764947.html

I hope to, and pray to God to help me, be present in my life and in my loving my kids. I strive to really give them my full attention every moment I spend with them. I endeavor to "be".  I think this is the main and simple and most innate way to prove my love to my kids. I hope they attest to my love for them when they think of me for all the Mother's Days to come, whether or not I am with them.

Happy Wet Feet

By The Pacific Ocean

November 2007

By The Pacific Ocean

August 2013

He is growing too fast.

Mothering Two - And the Reality Hits

I am the mother of two.

I suddenly feel very grounded.  Tethered even?

Interestingly M has a similar feeling.

In fact it hit me the other day, watching M holding the little angle in his arms and cajoling with A on a matter. Arms full. Mouth full of words. Attention too focused.  It was intense to watch.

I suddenly find hardly any time for me, any time for the house, any time to think or concern about others I so dearly care for.  Any time to read.

It took me forty some days to get to this conclusion. May be it was not as intense earlier. May be I was most focused on one thing: the little angel, and not A as much, let alone the house and other matters. But now, with the new school year approaching, all the programming for his extra curricular activities and shopping for school and wondering about his new teacher and classmates suddenly hit hard, in addition to all things baby and the untidy house and missed calls.

For any simple outing I have to pack two bags now and I have to remember everything yet I will forget something.  The last thing I think about is me.

Knowing me, it will become a routine soon, I have no doubt, to pack two bags and not forget anything I mean. Yet, I wonder if I will ever be able to think about me again, all my dreams, all the new and old  places I like to visit, all the people I wish to be with.

Frankly, I can't think about it too hard right now. I better get ready for this Saturday's outing while the little one is taking a nap lest I will miss the short window of opportunity.  As Scarlet O'Hara would say, I will think about it tomorrow (so unlike me)...

The Few Month Itch

I need to travel.  The last time I was away was in April.  I miss it.
The the joy and anxiety in packing a suitcase, the hustle and bustle of the airport, the possibility of having a drink in an unknown locale, the thrill in driving a new road, the anxiety of sleeping in a strange room, the oddness of finding a spectacular bargain in a most unexpected place, the excitement in trying new dishes, the newness, the expectation in meeting old friends reciting in yet another foreign place, the strolls in exotic promenades.  I miss it.
At to my dear amusement so does my little A.  He said the other day that he was yearning to fly in an airplane again.  Then, the other night, when I told him about our upcoming trip next week, he shouted "finally!  SFO again".  And then was profoundly sad when I told him it was going to be a car trip not more than 5 hours away.
I was pondering again how my main motif to work, first and foremost, is the ability to travel and to vacation with family.  I would be delighted to find my little angle is also one day yearning for travel as much as A does and as much as I do.

A and I en route to Edmonton, AB - June 2012

A in cockpit

Happy Father's Day!

To all the fathers, Happy Father's Day!
To all the good fathers, Happy Father's Day! You deserve it!
To my M, as an observer I really applaud you in your fatherhood.  You are indeed a kind, reliable, wise dad and I am happy for my kids having you as a father.  Happy Father's Day!