The pain of departing my homeland almost fourteen years ago so vivid in my heart. The joy of seeing M again after a long separation overwhelmed the pain. I remember the fog in the air the first day I landed in Toronto. The light of the fading sun; the smell of new kinds of pastries; the smooth drive to an apartment that was to be my home for the next six years; the anxiety to reach a long distance phone and call home.
I miss my mother.
I wonder what if A also packs his bags one day and fly far far away paying me visits just over phone just once in a while.
I wonder how parents endure. What a sacrifice!
I will be back home tonight enshala. Possibly past m's bedtime. I wonder what she feels about her day. Will she miss me? I will be back enshala and I will hold her when she wakes around midnight and I will nurse her and I will caress her fluffy hair.
I feel like an immigrant again and I hope to burry this feeling within me so my kids don't have to experience it, ever.