Sunday, March 6, 2011
It was a busy day albeit relatively relaxing. In the morning the three of us were working in the backyard, M was planting flowers, I was planting herbs, and A was trying to help us both. He had his play practice for which both M and I stayed with him which made him feel very happy and supported, hugged us both in the intermission sweetly. At home we played different games and I enjoyed playing tag with him the most; also tuned the guitar and got him play with me, which was not really playing but making harsh strums on the strings. Eventually daddy gave him a quick bath and I was summoned to put him to bed. Three books we decided to read, the third one I picked up. The book is originally in German, then translated to Persian, translated name of which to English is "the tales of me and my dad". Laying by his side we read the first two books which were short. We decided to read a chapter of the third book each night. In the first chapter, two pages long with a couple small pictures, "me" explains how his mom passed away when he was very young and his mom used to tell him stories and after her passing his dad, to make him happy again, started to tell him stories pictures of which he drew and the book was the collection of those pictures and the stories. Then I turned the page when A protested that it was chapter two. I concluded he was done with the book so I suggested I would sing his lullaby. He suddenly said "you and daddy will never go to the sky" which is the metaphor for dying in his language. He was obviously disturbed by the explanation "me" had at the beginning of the chapter. I said without hesitation "I will never leave you" and started singing his lullaby. He turned his back to me and soon his breathing got deeper so I knew he was asleep. I found my tears dropping down the side of my face on his pillow. I hope to stay with him for a long time but truth is that that "never" was like denying the reality of life.