Stressed

I am grateful for a week coming to a conclusion with a lot of accomplishments and an episod of an awful headache coming to an end.  I do not want to experience this headache again.  It was not a pleasant experience; forced me to appreciate the healthier days.  And to appreciate life as is.  I realized I was not always emberasing life and that made me feel stressed.  Perhaps it is mainly the resistance I have against the course of the events that is making me feel the stress.  And the stress of not having stress is adding stress.

I miss A a lot lately during the day.  I am not sure why.  But I am thinking I need some time off work and with him.  I know we went to Canada mid last month and it was great being away but me working off-site prevented us from having a relaxing time.

I do not want to argue with life any more.  This is my life.  THIS IS my life!

I know it is hard.  I know that I want to manage my work and my home and my friendships and my health and my soul.  Then it becomes hard to manage them all.  I am contemplating why that is.  Isn't it all to make a better living?  I want to live a good life.  I want to be able to look back and feel proud, whenever the end of my life comes.

I was told once by a wise woman to enternalize achievements.  I know I am not.  I still seek a good deal of approval from outside and it is not the healthiest most effective source; I know.  I just need to worl on that.

I try to be.

I am.