I still sound like myself.
Driving to work I got caught in traffic, again. Hence, it was a long drive with lots of break and go and I was trapped in this quiet can called my car. I turned on the radio but it sounded horrible to my ears. So I turned it off and not bearing my thoughts I impulsively called my mom to regret my decision by the sound of the first ring, I was not in the mood. Luckily, I got the vmail.
Sitting in the car I was thinking about all the floating thoughts and watch them get louder and louder. They were deafening!
I finally got to work and slid into my cube and got busy. Busy working, busy responding emails, busy composing some.
It is Halloween tonight and I was supposed to wear a costume to work but I found no appetite to put on all the make up required. I bailed at the last minute. Especially because I felt I already looked scary because of all the scary illusions in my head.
I felt I looked different already.
Ring. The phone rang. I hesitated, would I sound different? Would I sound sad as I felt so? Would they hear the tears that were blocking my throat? I had to respond.
Hi Lady J.A. I said. And paused. Did she hear me?
Happy Halloween she responded!
Phew! She didn't hear me!
I could keep up with this costume. No make up needed.
2 comments:
Why are you so sad?
Thanks for asking but alas cannot say.
A friend of mine once said growing is painful; when one gets to be worthy of bigger truth, one hurts she said. I am not sure if it is the case with me right now. All I know is that I need to find the Divine in all that's sorounding me but feel too tiny to be worthy of it all.
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