We arrived in San Francisco Airport and rushed to the passport check. There are two separate lines: one for citizens and permanent residents, one for visitors. We have bought a house here, our son goes to school here, we both work here and pay taxes and dues and social securities we will never see a penny of. Yet, we are considered aliens because we are on visa.
Long long lines were moving forward and it is our turn at last. I talked to the immigration officer:
- We came here because we live and work here
- Yes our son goes to school here
- Yes we have been to all over the places
- I have been working for the same division for more than five year now
- I work as a Global Product Manager for them
- Yes San Jose is our home address
- No we don't have any meat of fruit or alcohol with us
- ...
He stamped the passports, wrote on some papers, punched some keys on his keyboard and returned the passports to me: "Welcome home"!
Yes. Home.
I graciously thanked him and smiled.
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Paris Day: Two: Versailles
It took us about an hour in the Jardin and then one and a half hours in the château. Point is to get the audio guide, which is free. Albeit not given to kids younger than 8 years old. So M gave his to A. It was one of the best, or the best, audio guides I had ever taken with me, with very short and precise narrative, dialogues, and short audio plays. It was fun and in formative indeed. A also enjoyed the palace while looking for the numbers for each audio guide. The company of a our friend's son was also a delight keeping him go.
The Jardin de Versailles was really nice and majestic. We enjoyed strolling around but we made sure not to tire ourselves. The reason we started from the garden was because there was a fountain show we wanted to watch. Nothing too fancy, just the fact that the fountains were working at all cause apparently out of that time span the fountains were not working.
We started the day at a local château. It was a short drive to château de la Madelaine because we are staying with our dear friends K.T. and Sh.Sh. in Gif sur Yvette, south of Paris. A really had fun, especially while his friend A.T. was also with him discovering the château together.
The Jardin de Versailles was really nice and majestic. We enjoyed strolling around but we made sure not to tire ourselves. The reason we started from the garden was because there was a fountain show we wanted to watch. Nothing too fancy, just the fact that the fountains were working at all cause apparently out of that time span the fountains were not working.
We started the day at a local château. It was a short drive to château de la Madelaine because we are staying with our dear friends K.T. and Sh.Sh. in Gif sur Yvette, south of Paris. A really had fun, especially while his friend A.T. was also with him discovering the château together.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Paris: Day One
We planned a perfect day with K.T. and Sh.Sh. to whose home we arrived last night and we are staying with. The most important input was how they also are experienced I traveling with kids. So, we left for Paris around noon after a relatively nice jet lagged sleep.
1) Luxembourg metro station - apparently most central part of the city.
To see Luxembourg Jardin, which was indeed beautiful.
2) Panthéon: one block on the east of the Lexembourg Jardin.
Panthéon is the burial of many famous French people but the building which was built by Jaques-Germaine Soufflot was initially a church. The building is a huge monument with tall columns and a humongous door which is at least ten times my hight. We didn't walk inside in the interest of time and energy. By the way, on the way there on the Souffle avenue we fed A subway sandwich. This way, with A being full, we were sure M and I could be more adventurous with food and also get A the energy to walk some more.
3) Sorbonne: the university.
We walked north and west to Saint Michelle boulevard. On the west side of the street walking north suddenly the sidewalk opens up to a row of cafés and bookstores and a fountain that leads to the Sorbonne university monumental entrance. It was good to take a few pictures and check out "I have been to Sorbonne".
4) Quartier Latin: the Latin neighborhood.
It was a favorite spot for sure, with narrow winding allies that are abundant with Mediterranean and middle eastern restaurants, cafés and tiny local eateries and souvenir shops. There were a group is street musicians playing some local song and people had gathered to watch and dance. K.T. had recommended a local eatery and had warned about the quality of the other shops. So we followed the lead to Maoz for a Falafel and salad bar sandwich. Mmmm was it yummy! And then to the famous Amorito creamery. A had a vanilla bean ice cream Ina cone that they decorated like a flower. Fantastic presentation and fantastic taste, indeed the best vanilla bean gelato I had ever had (and I am no vanilla).
5) Notre Damme: the cathedral.
We walked north some more and crossed the river to the cathedral. The line to get inside was long but walking very quickly. It was an easy visit getting A busy by showing him the candles and getting him to write in the guest book and show him the chandeliers. We all sat down for prayers and got to listen to a mass, very beautiful.
Note: A had a hot chocolate before the visit, so he got warm and energized.
Note: there is a public restroom by the cathedral. It is important, because there are not many, or in our walk until then any, public restrooms.
PS: we went back to the Anorino for a second round of ice-creams.
6) Shakespeare and Company Bookstore
Just south west of Notre Damme cathedral, there is this bookstore that has a character of its own. Indeed a treat. We were lucky where there was a writer who had a book reading reading from his book. Most of the books were English actually, but the whole building from top to bottom was filled with books. Such a fun intellectual place.
1) Luxembourg metro station - apparently most central part of the city.
To see Luxembourg Jardin, which was indeed beautiful.
2) Panthéon: one block on the east of the Lexembourg Jardin.
Panthéon is the burial of many famous French people but the building which was built by Jaques-Germaine Soufflot was initially a church. The building is a huge monument with tall columns and a humongous door which is at least ten times my hight. We didn't walk inside in the interest of time and energy. By the way, on the way there on the Souffle avenue we fed A subway sandwich. This way, with A being full, we were sure M and I could be more adventurous with food and also get A the energy to walk some more.
3) Sorbonne: the university.
We walked north and west to Saint Michelle boulevard. On the west side of the street walking north suddenly the sidewalk opens up to a row of cafés and bookstores and a fountain that leads to the Sorbonne university monumental entrance. It was good to take a few pictures and check out "I have been to Sorbonne".
4) Quartier Latin: the Latin neighborhood.
It was a favorite spot for sure, with narrow winding allies that are abundant with Mediterranean and middle eastern restaurants, cafés and tiny local eateries and souvenir shops. There were a group is street musicians playing some local song and people had gathered to watch and dance. K.T. had recommended a local eatery and had warned about the quality of the other shops. So we followed the lead to Maoz for a Falafel and salad bar sandwich. Mmmm was it yummy! And then to the famous Amorito creamery. A had a vanilla bean ice cream Ina cone that they decorated like a flower. Fantastic presentation and fantastic taste, indeed the best vanilla bean gelato I had ever had (and I am no vanilla).
5) Notre Damme: the cathedral.
We walked north some more and crossed the river to the cathedral. The line to get inside was long but walking very quickly. It was an easy visit getting A busy by showing him the candles and getting him to write in the guest book and show him the chandeliers. We all sat down for prayers and got to listen to a mass, very beautiful.
Note: A had a hot chocolate before the visit, so he got warm and energized.
Note: there is a public restroom by the cathedral. It is important, because there are not many, or in our walk until then any, public restrooms.
PS: we went back to the Anorino for a second round of ice-creams.
6) Shakespeare and Company Bookstore
Just south west of Notre Damme cathedral, there is this bookstore that has a character of its own. Indeed a treat. We were lucky where there was a writer who had a book reading reading from his book. Most of the books were English actually, but the whole building from top to bottom was filled with books. Such a fun intellectual place.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Mom Son Dad
I had put my hair up just to keep the bangs off my face; very casually how my mom used to adorn my hair if I wanted to go to a birthday party as a teenage girl. I was busy packing. A came over and lay on the bed and started: "mommy! no other mom has hair like yours. No other mom is like you. I love you! You are the best mommy!"
My heart melting.
This morning I watched M and A leave for school. Such a simple scene: A holding his backpack on his shoulders and carrying his lunch box. Daddy walking by him. Daddy and son walking away together. I was watching through the door. Thinking this is a scene worth captured still.
Monday, August 27, 2012
When to Change Something
"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: 'If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.' It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something." Steve Jobs - 2005 - Stanford
I read and heard this quote three times in the past 48 hours. Pondering.
I read and heard this quote three times in the past 48 hours. Pondering.
Why do I write
I write because I like to write. I try to write when I have something worthwhile to say.
I do not have something worthwhile to say all the time. I cannot say all the worthwhile things I like to write. So I do not write.
I have been thinking, after 12 years of blogging, after 12 years from my emigration out of the mother land, after 12 years of submerging in a language other than my mother tongue, why I have been writing. What the meaning of my blogs has been. And what the true subject of my blogs has been.
The conclusion was simple: I just write to feel connected to the world in a literal fashion. The meaning associated with this blog is to capture a glimpse of my thoughts and feelings at a particular time. I write about life, my life, some ups, some downs. And I keep quiet about many many write-worthy things. There are some thoughts and feelings that are to be kept private; forever.
I do not have something worthwhile to say all the time. I cannot say all the worthwhile things I like to write. So I do not write.
I have been thinking, after 12 years of blogging, after 12 years from my emigration out of the mother land, after 12 years of submerging in a language other than my mother tongue, why I have been writing. What the meaning of my blogs has been. And what the true subject of my blogs has been.
The conclusion was simple: I just write to feel connected to the world in a literal fashion. The meaning associated with this blog is to capture a glimpse of my thoughts and feelings at a particular time. I write about life, my life, some ups, some downs. And I keep quiet about many many write-worthy things. There are some thoughts and feelings that are to be kept private; forever.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
Love and Attention
Last week, I was listening to the podcast of Robert Abdul Hay Darr talk at the last Baraka retreat. It was so coincidentally inline with my line of thoughts at the time. Prior to that I was talking with my dear Sh.K. about love and the need for attention from the lover. What was the reason for this need for attention? Was it just or wining of a longing heart?
I was then thinking about what makes you feel drawn and affectionate toward another person, deeply affectionate I mean, not a fleeting crush. It dawned at me that it was hidden in how that person realizes you. You know you are unique with all your capacities and flaws. But what makes you feel driven to the love of a person is how that person wants to know you more, all your capacities, all your flaws. How he looks at you dearly, how he listens to you attentively, how he wants to know more about you and your day and your experiences and your thoughts and your feelings, how he cares about how you feel, why you chose a certain word, even what you wear. He wants to know you in order to make you happy; in order to be able to claim part of your feelings. This is love. You have no choice but to be driven to this person deeply; this drive is really beyond the comprehension of logic, it is all heart.
God said, "I was a treasure, I oh so wanted to be known". And so there were lovers of God.
Now, that is true love. Yet, it is the experience of this earthly love that makes you realize that true love through example and experience. So, may be being in love and feeling loved is actually equal to paying attention and being attended to. May be it is actually very just to demand this attention of a real lover.
I was smiling listening to the podcast when this saying by God got recited and this theory got validated remotely. I love it when the universe rhymes with your thoughts! Now, the universe is paying attention, right?
I was then thinking about what makes you feel drawn and affectionate toward another person, deeply affectionate I mean, not a fleeting crush. It dawned at me that it was hidden in how that person realizes you. You know you are unique with all your capacities and flaws. But what makes you feel driven to the love of a person is how that person wants to know you more, all your capacities, all your flaws. How he looks at you dearly, how he listens to you attentively, how he wants to know more about you and your day and your experiences and your thoughts and your feelings, how he cares about how you feel, why you chose a certain word, even what you wear. He wants to know you in order to make you happy; in order to be able to claim part of your feelings. This is love. You have no choice but to be driven to this person deeply; this drive is really beyond the comprehension of logic, it is all heart.
God said, "I was a treasure, I oh so wanted to be known". And so there were lovers of God.
Now, that is true love. Yet, it is the experience of this earthly love that makes you realize that true love through example and experience. So, may be being in love and feeling loved is actually equal to paying attention and being attended to. May be it is actually very just to demand this attention of a real lover.
I was smiling listening to the podcast when this saying by God got recited and this theory got validated remotely. I love it when the universe rhymes with your thoughts! Now, the universe is paying attention, right?
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Grateful
The book I am reading at the time is The Spy of The Heart (Robert Abdul Hay Darr). It is a fascinating story of an American truth-seeker and his frequent journeys to the war-ridden Afghanistan between 1985-1990. I feel completely drawn to the book; all the adventures, are the yearning, all the unheard-of experiences. You can read the few first chapters on-line actually which is a blessing.
I have met the author once, in one of Baraka retreats back in March. He speaks a pleasant Farsi with a complete Afghan accent. He has many Persian poems memorized. He has a calm penetrating gaze. All in all it felt nice dining with him at the first night of the retreat and get to listen to him the next day when he gave us a talk.
Now his book has gotten me deeply thinking, calmly perplexed with what he has found in Afghanistan. I have never been to that region. The most Afghans I have met have been in Bay Area and uniformly they have been very attentive to us, Iranian Persians, even though there were many Afghan refugees in Iran when I was growing up. I understand that the very dry restrictive political Islamic doctrine is being practiced over there. And I understand that many years of war have left many in poverty and the lack of knowledge and illiteracy doesn't help with more p[en understanding of this religion either. Now I am thinking, what are the main differences between that part of the land of Persia, the way explained in this book, and the part I grew up in. I am immersing in the appreciation he feels for the mystical path of Islam, the tolerance, the beauty, the kindness, he has found and felt through those people. I feel that I understand what he means; I have experienced the simplistic sincerity in the old villagers I had met in our frequent travels around Iran in my childhood; I feel grateful for being part of that great culture.
It is also interesting to me how the book emphasizes on Mowlana Rumi being "an Afghan". Fact of the matter is that Mowlana was born in the region of Balkh, at the time belonged of the land of Persia. The language he has written his poems is Persian. He was born in the 13th century, and at that point in time there was no Afghanistan or Tajikistan as countries. He was Persian; even though where he was born is now a province in the country of today's Tajikistan.
Truth of the matter is that Mowlana is timeless and place-less. He belongs to all the truth-seekers of all times and from any origin. And I am grateful for being able to read his poems in original language, now comprehending his messages is another matter which will come with God's Grace.
I have met the author once, in one of Baraka retreats back in March. He speaks a pleasant Farsi with a complete Afghan accent. He has many Persian poems memorized. He has a calm penetrating gaze. All in all it felt nice dining with him at the first night of the retreat and get to listen to him the next day when he gave us a talk.
Now his book has gotten me deeply thinking, calmly perplexed with what he has found in Afghanistan. I have never been to that region. The most Afghans I have met have been in Bay Area and uniformly they have been very attentive to us, Iranian Persians, even though there were many Afghan refugees in Iran when I was growing up. I understand that the very dry restrictive political Islamic doctrine is being practiced over there. And I understand that many years of war have left many in poverty and the lack of knowledge and illiteracy doesn't help with more p[en understanding of this religion either. Now I am thinking, what are the main differences between that part of the land of Persia, the way explained in this book, and the part I grew up in. I am immersing in the appreciation he feels for the mystical path of Islam, the tolerance, the beauty, the kindness, he has found and felt through those people. I feel that I understand what he means; I have experienced the simplistic sincerity in the old villagers I had met in our frequent travels around Iran in my childhood; I feel grateful for being part of that great culture.
It is also interesting to me how the book emphasizes on Mowlana Rumi being "an Afghan". Fact of the matter is that Mowlana was born in the region of Balkh, at the time belonged of the land of Persia. The language he has written his poems is Persian. He was born in the 13th century, and at that point in time there was no Afghanistan or Tajikistan as countries. He was Persian; even though where he was born is now a province in the country of today's Tajikistan.
Truth of the matter is that Mowlana is timeless and place-less. He belongs to all the truth-seekers of all times and from any origin. And I am grateful for being able to read his poems in original language, now comprehending his messages is another matter which will come with God's Grace.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Departure
She looked around. It was a crowded airport. Many gates, many people, crammed in a tiny space. She found herself wanting to run away; literally, run. Stump stump. Breaking away tethers.
She looked around some more and the only way out was the escalators to the baggage claim. She felt suffocated.
She head to a gate further away from hers and sat down where there were a few seats empty on her either sides, a rare relief.
Wished to drink a mocha, wished not to be there.
She was alone... So very lonely too.
There were many kids strolling around in t-shirts and shorts wiggling and waggling while walking with their tiny feet. Would any be able to speak two languages?
This place was impossible. The beach and sailing boats and ocean breeze in the palm trees right in front of her eyes. But unreachable. Heartbreaking. Aggrieving.
Time to fly away. No looking back!
She looked around some more and the only way out was the escalators to the baggage claim. She felt suffocated.
She head to a gate further away from hers and sat down where there were a few seats empty on her either sides, a rare relief.
Wished to drink a mocha, wished not to be there.
She was alone... So very lonely too.
There were many kids strolling around in t-shirts and shorts wiggling and waggling while walking with their tiny feet. Would any be able to speak two languages?
This place was impossible. The beach and sailing boats and ocean breeze in the palm trees right in front of her eyes. But unreachable. Heartbreaking. Aggrieving.
Time to fly away. No looking back!
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Sitting in Traffic Logging
Happy Ramazan!
Fasting, I made us chicken and beef sandwiches and a cake on Friday while working from home. It was great to be home on the first day of fasting as it was draining my energy especially in the afternoon. After work we head to Lake Tahoe in the rush hour of the late afternoon. We had two other friends with us in the minivan we rented so we had lots of opportunities to make fun of everything happening around and making conversations.
We got to our campsite in Meeks Bay on the east side of the lake just past 11pm, feeling cold and tired. It was easy to appreciate the warmth of the sun in the morning. Later, I got tanned even more, my face is still burning in fact. We used up the day to hike as much as we could keep A walking and spent the afternoon at the beach. Although the water was super inviting I spent the time laying down. My brain and body feel tired indeed and I couldn't be more grateful for a free afternoon to just lay down even if for 20 minutes. The evening was a pleasant second night at the campsite. It was not as cold and we got A to bed on time so we ha time to chat a bit. It was out twelfth anniversary too. We had the cake in the morning and after two days from its baking it wasn't too bad at all. We made the beautiful Rubicon hike from D. L. Bliss before leaving the lake. The water in that section is just magnificent. But that beautiful hike cost us the after noon rush hour to Bay Area. I'm just anxious to get down in time to return the car, unpack the camping stuff, and pack my conference bags for an early flight to San Diego tomorrow.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
De-stress
I watched a documentary on Netflix on the subject of stress: Stress: Portrait of a Killer. It summarizes the research of a Stanford biologist, Robert Sapolsky who had studied the effect of stress on the body and longevity by observing a society of African baboons for decades. The study has targeted baboons because even though they are wild and aggressive, when it comes to stress they are very much like humans. It notes how stress has been vital in our survival in the wild and helping us being driven. Yet at this point in time we are under constant stress living the social life in this modern era and never able to turn it off. His findings show that the higher one is rank in one's society the less the level of stress related chemicals in the blood. This observation was validated by studying the high- and low-ranked workers in the British social works: how having higher control in what one is doing makes them less stressed and more productive. Moreover, it showed that being socially bound makes you less susceptible to low immune system. Then it summarizes another study on how chronic stress adversely affects one's longevity.
I then researched a bit on how to live a stress free life. Now.
Here is my plan of action:
Doing one thing at a time - in progress
Physician activity - continue with my biking and elliptical but also got myself a gym membership with a pool
Creativity with my hands - I yearn to sketch again ... haven't done anything about this yearning yet... I like to think of cooking as a creative activity
Meditate
Be - with my family, with my life, with me
Yesterday I spent some time reading a new British novel with many new words and phrases for me like "bloke" while M and A were installing our new BBQ. I then went to my hairdresser and challenged her to give me a new haircut that is funky but easy to maintain. She cut a full bang for me. It is chick and I got lots of complimented afterward even though I myself am not too happy with the results. Yet it was fun. I planned my workouts for the week to come in my spare time waiting for my appointment and also chat with a friend. On way home I sang out loud with Ebi and Dariush and got home preparing for the dinner party we were hosting. It was lots of fun having friends over. I always like having company and this group of friends are really nice to hang out. M worked out a fantastic BBQ kabob for dinner and I took care of the rest. Finally we all sat down for 6 hours of Settlers of Catan, we got to bed at 5AM.
Now it is a lazy Sunday. I feel restless for a vacation. For some reason I am not looking forward to my workday tomorrow. It is so unlike me. I am not a kind of person who goes to work just because. Perhaps is time for some sort of change. I should really get on planning for a good week off work in the end of summer before A goes back to school.
I then researched a bit on how to live a stress free life. Now.
Here is my plan of action:
Doing one thing at a time - in progress
Physician activity - continue with my biking and elliptical but also got myself a gym membership with a pool
Creativity with my hands - I yearn to sketch again ... haven't done anything about this yearning yet... I like to think of cooking as a creative activity
Meditate
Be - with my family, with my life, with me
Yesterday I spent some time reading a new British novel with many new words and phrases for me like "bloke" while M and A were installing our new BBQ. I then went to my hairdresser and challenged her to give me a new haircut that is funky but easy to maintain. She cut a full bang for me. It is chick and I got lots of complimented afterward even though I myself am not too happy with the results. Yet it was fun. I planned my workouts for the week to come in my spare time waiting for my appointment and also chat with a friend. On way home I sang out loud with Ebi and Dariush and got home preparing for the dinner party we were hosting. It was lots of fun having friends over. I always like having company and this group of friends are really nice to hang out. M worked out a fantastic BBQ kabob for dinner and I took care of the rest. Finally we all sat down for 6 hours of Settlers of Catan, we got to bed at 5AM.
Now it is a lazy Sunday. I feel restless for a vacation. For some reason I am not looking forward to my workday tomorrow. It is so unlike me. I am not a kind of person who goes to work just because. Perhaps is time for some sort of change. I should really get on planning for a good week off work in the end of summer before A goes back to school.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Stressed
I am grateful for a week coming to a conclusion with a lot of accomplishments and an episod of an awful headache coming to an end. I do not want to experience this headache again. It was not a pleasant experience; forced me to appreciate the healthier days. And to appreciate life as is. I realized I was not always emberasing life and that made me feel stressed. Perhaps it is mainly the resistance I have against the course of the events that is making me feel the stress. And the stress of not having stress is adding stress.
I miss A a lot lately during the day. I am not sure why. But I am thinking I need some time off work and with him. I know we went to Canada mid last month and it was great being away but me working off-site prevented us from having a relaxing time.
I do not want to argue with life any more. This is my life. THIS IS my life!
I know it is hard. I know that I want to manage my work and my home and my friendships and my health and my soul. Then it becomes hard to manage them all. I am contemplating why that is. Isn't it all to make a better living? I want to live a good life. I want to be able to look back and feel proud, whenever the end of my life comes.
I was told once by a wise woman to enternalize achievements. I know I am not. I still seek a good deal of approval from outside and it is not the healthiest most effective source; I know. I just need to worl on that.
I try to be.
I am.
I miss A a lot lately during the day. I am not sure why. But I am thinking I need some time off work and with him. I know we went to Canada mid last month and it was great being away but me working off-site prevented us from having a relaxing time.
I do not want to argue with life any more. This is my life. THIS IS my life!
I know it is hard. I know that I want to manage my work and my home and my friendships and my health and my soul. Then it becomes hard to manage them all. I am contemplating why that is. Isn't it all to make a better living? I want to live a good life. I want to be able to look back and feel proud, whenever the end of my life comes.
I was told once by a wise woman to enternalize achievements. I know I am not. I still seek a good deal of approval from outside and it is not the healthiest most effective source; I know. I just need to worl on that.
I try to be.
I am.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Heartache
You left. You just turned around and walked your drooping shoulders out of my sight. I was watching you from the opening of the door, left wide open behind you.
I felt a pain in the middle of my chest watching you go.
I asked you to leave. As simple as that. And you left. As simple as that.
I thought you would protest. I thought you would be shocked. I thought you would pick a fight.
But you just sighed, turned around, and walked out the door.
I thought you were in love.
The pain in my chest was blocking my throat. I got up; and closed the door.
I felt a pain in the middle of my chest watching you go.
I asked you to leave. As simple as that. And you left. As simple as that.
I thought you would protest. I thought you would be shocked. I thought you would pick a fight.
But you just sighed, turned around, and walked out the door.
I thought you were in love.
The pain in my chest was blocking my throat. I got up; and closed the door.
Friday, July 6, 2012
A Time for Misunderstanding
On the phone he asked: "why didn't you send the file earlier?".
I had generated the file but just completed it. "I didn't have the file earlier" I said.
"But you had the file number yesterday!".
"Because I generated the file yesterday but it had no content until today."
"Oh!"
"Do you really think I had the file but I didn't send it to you?!"
"Yeah!" he replied.
Does it matter if I say "Well! You are wrong"?
..........................
Unrequited love
A time fore misunderstanding
..........................
I asked you to keep the word.
You did not.
A time for misunderstanding.
I wont ever ask you to keep a word again.
A time for understanding.
...........................
"We cannot meet next week but possibly in a few weeks; when are you available?"
"Are you punishing me?!?"
Would it matter if I said "NO!"?
A time for misunderstanding.
............................
Don't tell me that you do
because I wont believe you.
A time for understanding.
.............................
Love the turn of circumstances!
I had generated the file but just completed it. "I didn't have the file earlier" I said.
"But you had the file number yesterday!".
"Because I generated the file yesterday but it had no content until today."
"Oh!"
"Do you really think I had the file but I didn't send it to you?!"
"Yeah!" he replied.
Does it matter if I say "Well! You are wrong"?
..........................
Unrequited love
A time fore misunderstanding
..........................
I asked you to keep the word.
You did not.
A time for misunderstanding.
I wont ever ask you to keep a word again.
A time for understanding.
...........................
"We cannot meet next week but possibly in a few weeks; when are you available?"
"Are you punishing me?!?"
Would it matter if I said "NO!"?
A time for misunderstanding.
............................
Don't tell me that you do
because I wont believe you.
A time for understanding.
.............................
Love the turn of circumstances!
Monday, July 2, 2012
The Inevitable Change
My grandparents had fruit trees in their backyard. A persimmon tree, a pear, an apricot, a black cherry, a white cherry, and a couple berries. It was a ritual every summer to go there with all the cousins and pick ripened fruit from the trees. It was fun and at times it felt like a chore.
We were kids. We thought things were permanent.
Today, it has been years since last I picked up cherries from that tree. It has been years since my grandpa is gone; that placed is sold, demolished, rebuilt.
It makes me feel sad a bit lately.
C'est la vie!
PS: I got promoted to a Senior level, again. First time it was more than two and a half years ago when I got granted Senior R&D Engineer title, then down graded when moved to marketing, then back up again. Now as of yesterday I have the Senior Global Product Manager title. Now this is the kind of change I appreciate ;)
We were kids. We thought things were permanent.
Today, it has been years since last I picked up cherries from that tree. It has been years since my grandpa is gone; that placed is sold, demolished, rebuilt.
It makes me feel sad a bit lately.
C'est la vie!
PS: I got promoted to a Senior level, again. First time it was more than two and a half years ago when I got granted Senior R&D Engineer title, then down graded when moved to marketing, then back up again. Now as of yesterday I have the Senior Global Product Manager title. Now this is the kind of change I appreciate ;)
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Lost ... Found ... Lost?
On Friday night, I woke up in the middle of the night in tears from a dream of loss. I stayed awake in bed, praying for the well-being of the person I thought I had lost in my dreams, and lulled myself back to sleep.
Then last night we got the news that the shaikhs of the circle were exploring leaving California for Kentucky. I guess the "leaving" fact haunted me right away...
A few years ago I was lost. I was looking for a reality so close I knew I was missing it and so far I could not comprehend it. The more I looked, asked, searched, read, the less I found. One day a friend advised me to continue asking, that if I kept believing it would for sure manifest. So I did. So It did.
As peculiar as it felt at the time I felt a strong vibe pulling my attention towards the southern hills of Santa Cruz.
Miraculously I was found. By a circle of friends, deep in the hills of Santa Cruz, all filled with love, all true in their hearts, enlightened by the lights of the Truth. It was so easy being there, smiling there, loving there. I felt belonging. I felt anchored. I thought that was the very reason I was brought to California. I thought I was found.
Now the shaikhs are leaving; what will remain of a circle without the center? I woke up feeling some sort of sorrow blocking my throat; like how I woke up in the middle of the night on Friday night feeling a sense of loss. What about all the Truthful vibes I felt from those hills? Will it be a hollowed memory of an anchor when they are gone?
I got home past midnight. M got up and listened to me telling him the news. "I guess we are going to Kentucky" he said. That was exactly what I told D.D. and D.G. in our ride to the circle. Not sure if we would. But I appreciated the thought dearly.
"All the Divine asks of you is your attention" said Shaikh Kabir last night. I am sure this unknown will unfold in due time. A new chapter will begin...
Happy Birthday Shaikh Kabir!
Then last night we got the news that the shaikhs of the circle were exploring leaving California for Kentucky. I guess the "leaving" fact haunted me right away...
A few years ago I was lost. I was looking for a reality so close I knew I was missing it and so far I could not comprehend it. The more I looked, asked, searched, read, the less I found. One day a friend advised me to continue asking, that if I kept believing it would for sure manifest. So I did. So It did.
As peculiar as it felt at the time I felt a strong vibe pulling my attention towards the southern hills of Santa Cruz.
Miraculously I was found. By a circle of friends, deep in the hills of Santa Cruz, all filled with love, all true in their hearts, enlightened by the lights of the Truth. It was so easy being there, smiling there, loving there. I felt belonging. I felt anchored. I thought that was the very reason I was brought to California. I thought I was found.
Now the shaikhs are leaving; what will remain of a circle without the center? I woke up feeling some sort of sorrow blocking my throat; like how I woke up in the middle of the night on Friday night feeling a sense of loss. What about all the Truthful vibes I felt from those hills? Will it be a hollowed memory of an anchor when they are gone?
I got home past midnight. M got up and listened to me telling him the news. "I guess we are going to Kentucky" he said. That was exactly what I told D.D. and D.G. in our ride to the circle. Not sure if we would. But I appreciated the thought dearly.
"All the Divine asks of you is your attention" said Shaikh Kabir last night. I am sure this unknown will unfold in due time. A new chapter will begin...
Happy Birthday Shaikh Kabir!
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Monday, June 25, 2012
Lost in Translation (2003) - Genius!
They are lost.
She is a young beautiful sexy neglected wife of two years.
He is a middle aged successful bored rich husband of 25 years.
She thinks deep, her husband is shallow. She looks for meaning, her husband looks for fun.
He looks for company, his wife is content without him around. He wants to be heard, his wife is too busy with the kids and home renovation to listen.
She cannot sleep while her husband snores.
He cannot sleep but when calls home his wife is occupied with feeding the kids.
She feels lost.
He feels lost.
They meet.
They greet.
They talk.
They start being heard.
They start making jokes.
They start laughing at each other's humor.
They start feeling secured. They start sharing their insecurities.
They do not judge.
They keep each other company.
Then they have to part; the impossible feelings.
He leaves; she hides in the elavator. He finds her in the crowds of Tokyo on his way to the airport. Catches up with her. She is crying. He hugs her. She hugs him. He says something in her ears. She smiles and wipes her tears.
They depart.
PS: I wish I knew what he said in her ears at the end of the movie ... what made her smile?
She is a young beautiful sexy neglected wife of two years.
He is a middle aged successful bored rich husband of 25 years.
She thinks deep, her husband is shallow. She looks for meaning, her husband looks for fun.
He looks for company, his wife is content without him around. He wants to be heard, his wife is too busy with the kids and home renovation to listen.
She cannot sleep while her husband snores.
He cannot sleep but when calls home his wife is occupied with feeding the kids.
She feels lost.
He feels lost.
They meet.
They greet.
They talk.
They start being heard.
They start making jokes.
They start laughing at each other's humor.
They start feeling secured. They start sharing their insecurities.
They do not judge.
They keep each other company.
Then they have to part; the impossible feelings.
He leaves; she hides in the elavator. He finds her in the crowds of Tokyo on his way to the airport. Catches up with her. She is crying. He hugs her. She hugs him. He says something in her ears. She smiles and wipes her tears.
They depart.
PS: I wish I knew what he said in her ears at the end of the movie ... what made her smile?
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Duality
There is a thrill in secrecy; there is a joy in the thought of a hidden treasure; it feels empowering when there is a knowledge one owns and the rest do not.
There is a thrill in openness; there is a joy in the thought of a treasure showed off and boasted around; it feels empowering to present what one knows and the rest do not.
It takes courage and wisdom to choose between the two.
There is a thrill in openness; there is a joy in the thought of a treasure showed off and boasted around; it feels empowering to present what one knows and the rest do not.
It takes courage and wisdom to choose between the two.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Lodging in the Jasper National Park
Friday Jun 15th
Blue blue sky, ornamented with fluffy white clouds, boasting over magnificent Canadian Rockie mountains.
It is great being here!
We left Edmomton last night and got here around 11PM. My dear sister S and brother in-law AF had taken care of everything. Everything. From lodging to sightseeing spots to breakfasts and dinners. We were treated like absolute guests and I got a lot of time to just contemplate, think, meditate, be.
We are staying at the Pine Bagalows. It is a great venue with a great view by the Athabasca river and yet minutes away from the town of Jasper. It was serene yet alive with a trembling river. Constantly renewing.
We went to the Colombia Mt Glacier today, first time walking on a glacier. The color of the glacier ice was a bluish green, very unique and pure, I could watch it forever. The mountains and pine groves were amazingly eye catching. And never repetitive after an hour of drive.
Back in the cottage the guys took care of the BBQ and my dear sister took care of the rest. So I got a few minutes by myself at the river to meditate some. Ah! Magnificent!
HBD my M!
Saturday June 16th
We hiked the Maligne canyon. It was an amazing canyon, very deep and very alive. The water and the sand in constant battle of power; it was magnificent!
We saw two black bears, one really close, while driving to the Maligne lake. It was like prayers answered; the one up close was actually very cute. Minding his own business munching on fresh grass.
M, A, and I canoed on the lake. My beautiful goodness! The picturesque mountains looking down at the lake! And A rowed nicely albeit like a pure armature. It was a lovely experience as if pumping energy in my veins.
Back at the lodge while eating supper we saw a herd of white tale deer feeding themselves in between the Bangalows; they were so much fun to watch. Especially a mom with three kids. All the neighbors had come out to take pictures of the herd.
After dinner at the cottage we strolled the town of Jasper for a while, it is a little town of its own character. Finally, at 11PM, the sky was still light as if the sun had no plan to vanish so we walked to the river by our lodge for a short while just to get a different view of it all.
I really like the life observed in the river.
Sunday Jun 17th
Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there! Particularly to my M! He is a great father indeed!
...This life is a white slate provided to each of us. What are we drawing?...
Last meditating moments by the river, last coffee in the fresh air of the Canadian Rockie mountains, and finally, last quick hike with S. We had a leisurely drive back to the city.
We got to meet our dear friends from our past life in Toronto, dear NA and MRS, for dinner. I cannot stop thinking about the visit. It was lovely to meet them again after many years and get to meet their lovely daughter. Such a nice little girlie. She made me many dishes of food with her toy dishes, they were all yummy, pretend. And our friends from good old days in Toronto had grown locals in Edmonton. They were both still as artistic or more so with their handcrafts and dishes of dinner and desert. I feel so happy to have gotten the chance to spend some time at their place! A great ending to a great trip indeed!
Blue blue sky, ornamented with fluffy white clouds, boasting over magnificent Canadian Rockie mountains.
It is great being here!
We left Edmomton last night and got here around 11PM. My dear sister S and brother in-law AF had taken care of everything. Everything. From lodging to sightseeing spots to breakfasts and dinners. We were treated like absolute guests and I got a lot of time to just contemplate, think, meditate, be.
We are staying at the Pine Bagalows. It is a great venue with a great view by the Athabasca river and yet minutes away from the town of Jasper. It was serene yet alive with a trembling river. Constantly renewing.
We went to the Colombia Mt Glacier today, first time walking on a glacier. The color of the glacier ice was a bluish green, very unique and pure, I could watch it forever. The mountains and pine groves were amazingly eye catching. And never repetitive after an hour of drive.
Back in the cottage the guys took care of the BBQ and my dear sister took care of the rest. So I got a few minutes by myself at the river to meditate some. Ah! Magnificent!
HBD my M!
Saturday June 16th
We hiked the Maligne canyon. It was an amazing canyon, very deep and very alive. The water and the sand in constant battle of power; it was magnificent!
We saw two black bears, one really close, while driving to the Maligne lake. It was like prayers answered; the one up close was actually very cute. Minding his own business munching on fresh grass.
M, A, and I canoed on the lake. My beautiful goodness! The picturesque mountains looking down at the lake! And A rowed nicely albeit like a pure armature. It was a lovely experience as if pumping energy in my veins.
Back at the lodge while eating supper we saw a herd of white tale deer feeding themselves in between the Bangalows; they were so much fun to watch. Especially a mom with three kids. All the neighbors had come out to take pictures of the herd.
After dinner at the cottage we strolled the town of Jasper for a while, it is a little town of its own character. Finally, at 11PM, the sky was still light as if the sun had no plan to vanish so we walked to the river by our lodge for a short while just to get a different view of it all.
I really like the life observed in the river.
Sunday Jun 17th
Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there! Particularly to my M! He is a great father indeed!
...This life is a white slate provided to each of us. What are we drawing?...
Last meditating moments by the river, last coffee in the fresh air of the Canadian Rockie mountains, and finally, last quick hike with S. We had a leisurely drive back to the city.
We got to meet our dear friends from our past life in Toronto, dear NA and MRS, for dinner. I cannot stop thinking about the visit. It was lovely to meet them again after many years and get to meet their lovely daughter. Such a nice little girlie. She made me many dishes of food with her toy dishes, they were all yummy, pretend. And our friends from good old days in Toronto had grown locals in Edmonton. They were both still as artistic or more so with their handcrafts and dishes of dinner and desert. I feel so happy to have gotten the chance to spend some time at their place! A great ending to a great trip indeed!
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